Love and Hate: Setting Myself Free
“The only way to master love is to practice love.”
That is what I ended today’s show with. That is the wisdom of Miguel Ruiz from the book “The Mastery of Love.” I 100% agree. I actually had an epiphany in the wee hours of the night Friday that I shared on the air today as well. Here is what I finally learned about one of my relationships (FYI it’s two relationships in one.)
When you think of relationships you usually first think a love relationship, but number 8 in Dr. David’s “Must-Do’s in Secure Functioning Relationships” applies to all relationships. My epiphany was this: When a person is attacking you, judging you, is critical of you and wants to blame all their shit on you and partner's up with someone, let’s say for example your ex-husband or ex-wife, it’s really only smoke and mirrors to take the focus off of them. Don’t let anyone turn you into their entertainment. Force them to focus on themselves by not engaging in their “reindeer games” AKA bullying. Here is the outline from today’s show to put in your pocket. Read all the way to the end because there’s something for the other pocket.
Topic: 10 Must-do’s in Secure Functioning Relationships
Guest: Dr. David Young
Bio:
- Assistant Clinical Professor in Psychiatry at UT Southwestern Medical Center
- Licensed, clinical psychologist in private practice in Dallas, Texas.
10 Must-do’s for a Secure Functioning Relationship
1) Protect the safety and security of your relationship at all costs.
2) Base your relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for you AND for your partner.
3) Do not threaten the existence of the relationship, for so doing would benefit no one.
4) Appoint your partner as go-to person for all matters, making certain your partner is first to know—not second, third, or fourth—in all matters of importance.
5) Provide a tether to your partner all the days and nights of your life, and never fail to greet your partner with good cheer.
6) Protect your partner in public and in private from harmful elements, including yourself.
7) Put your partner to bed each night and awaken with your partner each morning.
8) Correct all errors, including injustices and injuries, at once or as soon as possible, and not make dispute of who was the original perpetrator.
9) Gaze lovingly upon your partner daily and make frequent and meaningful gestures of appreciation, admiration, and gratitude.
10) Learn your partner well and master the ways of seduction, influence, and persuasion, without the use of fear or threat.
I will leave you today with a text that I sent Saturday afternoon. I can’t believe it took me this long!
“After sleeping on this, I’ve decided I don’t want to do this dance with you any longer. It’s an extremely unhealthy relationship, and I’m not going to be a part of this type of interaction. You ended a very mean spirited text with the words “no judging” but it was judgmental and very hurtful and my instinct was to lash out and protect myself. Right now is the holidays, I am fully in the spirit of Christmas, and I am enjoying all of my time with the girls. I’m so proud of the people that they are. We are just really enjoying our lives right now and I don’t want to be brought down any longer. Your relationship belongs to you and my relationship belongs to me. Let’s don’t worry about each other’s relationships.”
-Bern
