July 18th 2017 - Trauma Bonding

Today we talk with Robin Perry Braun about Trauma Bonding. Here is our Q&A:

1. What is it?
   • This is a physiological, chemical emotional bond that happens during states of heightened emotion, usually some type of abuse or addiction.

Traumatic bonding is “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.” 

1. 1. What has to be present:
      • Imbalance of power or perceived imbalance or created imbalance
      • Intermittent- unexpected/unanticipated
      • Dissociation
      • Denial/Masking truth – changing reality
2. What are some examples?
   • Stocholm syndrome – this happens when there is a constant release of fear and cortisol in the captive and powerful brain chemicals are released when they don’t kill her or if there is any kindness shown.  It’s the relief and provision.
   • Narcissist – devil one minute, savior the next..I will put up with terrible emotional abuse to have five minutes of the hero who adores me.  I get used to feeling bad so the little bit of feeling good meets the need.  But in reality I am so starved and traumatized, I am addicted to the high of both the chaos, the fear/walking on eggshells and the relief I get when you are nice to me and decide to compliment me.
   • Abusive parents – disorganized attachment.  This occurs when a parent is abusive one minute and spoils you the next.  You get used to preparing for the beating and learn good coping skills so that the little bit of love you will get when they feel guilty and want to make up for it is worth the beating.  .
   • Children “learn” the rules and when they are not consistent – no predictability – this creates an anxiety.  . They will keep pursuing the perpetrator to try to get a desired outcome.  Its like playing the slots
   • What is occurring is that our cells get geared to the chemicals that our brain manufactures – we get a charge from it.  So .when there are large and continued doses of adrenalin and other specific peptides which are manufactured when you feel trauma,  Your brain will ruminate over a trauma to get your body to recreate that chemical to feed the cells for the trauma drugs they want.  In the case of parents or narcissistic relationships – this feels like love.
   • Victims form parts during abuse and they regress during triggers which feel like passivity and overwhelm and can’t be assertive.  They surrender – the feeling of helplessness gives the abuser the power over the victim, just like the original feeling of a child to a parent who needs that parent to be able to survive.
   • Trauma bonded people will overempathize with the abuser – rationalizing the behavior.  By “feeling “ their feelings they can ignore their own and stay in the relationship.
   • The vicgtim will also exaggerate the “good” parts of the relationship while minimizing the bad to excuse the abusive behavior.
   • Having a history of going through traumas together.  “War buddies” form trauma bonds together so in spite of an abusive relationship often the bond of having suffered together can keep the relationship.  This can be true in families and marriages.
   • In the case of sexual abuse, often the perpetrator shows special attention to the victim and does special things for them.  This confusion keeps the victim bonded to the perpetrator.